Dear Rabbi Anava, I had the pleasure of being at a wedding recently where you were mesader kiddushin and i had the pleasure of meeting your mother and young daughter keh. I wanted so much to arrange to meet with you but did not succeed to arrange a time. since then I have been watching your main video and have been looking for more to watch. i was brought up as a normal bais yakov girl and have children and grandchildren baruch Hashem already, but i have questions regarding HKBH. i know i can never understand Him yet i know He wishes for us to seek Him and try to understand Him and have a relationship with Him, and yet you say in one of your videos we should just be innocent and not ask too many questions and just \\\'go with the flow\\\' and do what we need to do. But then, how can the relationship I have with HKBH have any depth if i just say \\\'okay, i\\\'ll just do things and hope it\\\'s what You want\\\'. Believe me, I am intelligent and frum and deep and i talk with Hashem and I cry to Him and  I have all kinds of conversations with Him. I always searched for a better way to Know Him and serve Him but I feel so confused. Especially now as my husband passed away suddenly at a young age ( in his 40\\\'s..) I wonder NOW what is the purpose of my life? Just to continue and \\\'keep busy\\\' as everyone seems to advise? In fact NOW more than any other time in my life i have the opportunity to have the MOST EXCLUSIVE relationship with Hashem since i don\\\'t even have a husband with whom to have an exclusive relationship.. I feel like i\\\'m going in circles in my mind and wish i could feel settled enough to  just move on. I believe that we live in a physical world in order to elevate the physical to the spiritual. I know this and yet I ask myself am i suppose to be busy with the physical world (learning, doing chessed, cooking, enjoying my children, writing letters to my parents, sending emails to lonely people, going to shiurim, travelling, listening to music, watching a movie here and there...OR should i be busy all day thinking about my soul, my neshama and how every move is being scrutinized and judged...making life a bit impossible...HELP. i know i can thank HASHEM all day and even that i cant live long enough to accomplish properly because i have so much for which to be grateful...what should i do? I know the body and the physical world and its where I am now. And how can I believe that when we do things \\\'lsheim Shamayim\\\' that it really makes a difference.. sincerely, R